Who needs I'm a Celebrity

Before you all have a laugh at my expense, I’ll fill you in on my arrival into Australia. Have had a great 5 days so far.  Arrived and stayed at a friend of Audrey’s which was about 10 minutes commute from Sydney CBD. On our days out to the city, I took Auds on a walking tour of all the highlights and sights that Sydney has to offer – Chinatown, King’s Cross red light district (my old living quarters from 2005..not the lap-dancing clubs, but I did live in a house there), gay Oxford Street, Coogee Beach, Paddy’s Market, Darling Harbour, the Opera House, Sydney Bridge, Circular Quay, the list goes on…I’m sure you get my drift. Had a couple of great wee nights out. 

Today, however, was the start of our HelpX work in a place called Peakhurst which is about 30 minutes by train from central Sydney. Off we went, like mules carrying our heavy bags (I’ve already thrown stuff out, but have no idea why my bag weighs well over half of my body weight) and arrived at this suburb. Got picked up by our host. They live in a really nice area – big, detached houses, nice cars outside and then there was our house. Found in the corner of the park, covered by trees we jumped out of the car to see the place. Now, originally, they had said that there was space in the house for helpers but apparently 5 people came along this week, so rooms were sparse and we were told we’d have to sleep outside the main house in another dwelling.

Seemed grand, thinking to myself “Not a bother big lad – we’ll be fine with that”. Ok, so we were led to our ‘dwelling’ which was up a pathway through their allotment, past the chickens (and their shit), the hives of bees (we were told not to wear any perfume in case they attacked us) to our ‘dwelling’ …it is a work shed. A shed that can only be described as falling apart. The roof has a bow in it with all the damp and looks like it will cave in at any time.  The lights on the ceiling don’t work (probably due to the damp/and the fact that we’d electrocute ourselves if they did work). The door does not close as there is no handle/lock – at present, it is being closed by the shaft of a brush.  Our bed is in the corner of the shed with manky looking blankets (I am so glad I didn’t throw out Junior, as I thought his services were no longer required here). In the other corner are tools, several boxes with things in it, pots of honey (ants have decided they’d like to live with us and the honey too), some sort of petrol/diesel as the fumes are making us high. There are spiders’ webs everywhere (just to make you aware - the spiders over here can kill a human being with one bite). 

There’s a TV and fridge that doesn’t work and a lamp stand which is providing me with the light that I need to write this. We walked into our shed to find two other helpers sieving the ants out of the honey and the floor is now sticky. There are two windows – the curtains are blankets and old rags, which have fallen down. One half of the floor has a cutting of green carpet, the other half, lino.  Our bags are sealed, never to be opened, in fear of insects making a bed there. Open the door and on the entrance is a block of wood to stand on to get in – it says ‘Welcome’ – a nice touch!!!

Open the door to our lovely wilderness outside and you will see a rat or two running across the soil, followed by the noise of crickets at night time in pitch darkness.  There’s no toilet – that is located inside the house (where everyone else is). We were provided with a head torch to make our way in the darkness in case we need the loo.  Went for a walk into the town – quite small, with shop fronts that resemble the old Supervalu complex in Downpatrick about 20 years ago when I was small. Asked a local where the nearest bar was (to check out the scene for the weekend and also have a pint to help aid sleep) and the reply was “Oh there are no bars here!”  Have been in stitches laughing all day – sure, what else can you do – what an adventure! Two weeks of this/cleaning around the house and outside the place. I’m sure the apartment on Darling Harbour on Christmas Eve for a few days will be a nice change. Who needs ‘I’m a Celebrity’ on ITV1 – am living the dream here already!


See the photos below if you don't believe me. I have also uploaded photos on some of the rest of my older blog posts of my time in South America & NZ (for those of you who don't have Facebook).

View from opposite the bed




The dodgy roof. Below is a broken fan/TV!



One of the windows

Mould - piece of wood holding the roof together



The other window - below this is the bed

The door (with the brush to keep me locked in).